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“Fetish” can also refer to experiences and environments (for example, you may have a fetish for being caught masturbating). Technically speaking, fetishes are nonhuman objects, feelings, situations, or sensations that stimulate arousal - including the feeling of leather on your skin, the smell of used underwear (or the touching/wearing of used underwear), and the feeling/smell/wearing/texture of rubber. Fetish: Fetish and fetishes are harder to define, since, colloquially, “kink” and “fetish” are often (mistakenly) used interchangeably. When talking about the sex I like, I tell guys that I have “many kinks,” which means there are many things I’m into that fall outside “standard” or “traditional” sex acts.ġ6. Defining what is traditional (and, by extension, “nontraditional”) sex is almost impossible, so suffice it to say that kinks are sex acts that include bondage (see the next definition) and are outside the “vanilla” variety. Kink: A kink is a nontraditional sex practice - that’s it. Pig/Piggy: A gay or bisexual man who prefers bareback (condomless) sex and typically enjoys kinky sex - see the next definition.ġ5. Bear: Bears are hairier, heavier (muscular or chubby) gay and bi men.ġ4. Side: Gay and bisexual men who simply do not enjoy anal sex, but they may enjoy other sex acts like oral sex, touching, kissing, masturbation, rubbing, massage, and so on.ġ0. Versatile: A word that describes men who prefer both the top and the bottom roles in gay sex.ĩ. Bottom: In gay sex, the bottom is the passive, receiving sexual partner.Ĩ. Top: In gay sex, the top is the dominant, inserting sex partner.ħ. I identify as male and I was assigned male at birth, meaning I am cisgender.Ħ. Cisgender: Someone who identifies with the gender identity they were assigned at birth. The same is true for transgender men, with he/him/his pronouns.ĥ. A transgender woman may have been assigned male at birth, but her gender identity is female, and the proper way to address her is with she/her/hers pronouns. Transgender: Someone who identifies differently than the gender they were assigned at birth. Lesbian: This word describes a woman who is sexually and romantically attracted to other women.Ĥ. Bi/Bisexual: This word describes someone who is attracted to both men and women.ģ. This is the word I use to describe myself. Gay: This word describes a man who is sexually and romantically attracted to other men. If so, please know this blog is here for you, as am I. You may be living in the closet in a homophobic or religious home and have no one to talk to about your desires and feelings. But you may not have access to a gay elder. They have real advice that is far more useful than this silly post. To continue your education, I encourage you to befriend gay elders. This is the list of the most common and well-recognized words used among our kind. Becoming sexually active as a gay man - and even just holding your own in gay chatter - involves absorbing a new lexicon of words and their various meanings. I asked him why he couldn’t date his best friend and he said, “Because we’re both bottoms.” I had no idea what that meant and he would not explain.
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Why do you need to know these terms? When I was very young, not even out yet, I was on a phone call with another gay kid in town, back when kids used landlines to call each other from their homes after school, and I asked him if he knew any other gays. There is much more to learn, including many, many more words, but here’s a basic primer on gay sex terms. If you’re gay - by reading this, I’m assuming you are - you almost certainly won’t get comprehensive sex education if you live in the United States (and if you’re straight - as I assume you are not - you likely won’t get very good sex-ed, either). It’s a sad fact that you likely won’t be taught what a “daddy” is in school.